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<title>The Writer Can Have Little A Self-Indulgence by Distracteddiddlin</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22789102">The Writer Can Have Little A Self-Indulgence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distracteddiddlin/pseuds/Distracteddiddlin'>Distracteddiddlin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Borderlands (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Light Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:27:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22789102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distracteddiddlin/pseuds/Distracteddiddlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>as a treat</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Timothy Lawrence &amp; original character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Writer Can Have Little A Self-Indulgence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tim stared blankly out into the dark. An absent shudder of pain slipped through him and he glanced at his arm again. He looked at the gap, at where his hand once was. It's not that he wouldn't manage, he always did. He'd either grow used to it, or he'd get a prosthetic replacement. But before then, he needed it to heal. The bandages were an improvement, he'd admit, much better than letting the air sting at the exposed nerves and tissue and… bone. But it didn't stop the phantom pain. The tingling that felt like it started where his fingertips used to be and would creep up to his shoulder for hours at a time and nearly drive him mad.</p>
<p>He sighed and sat up in bed. He missed Moxxi.</p>
<p>It's not that he didn't enjoy the little… "thing" they had going, hell he considered himself lucky she even <em>looked</em> at him, much less kept him around after everything Jack did to her. He was comfortable with the casualness of what they had going, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't sometimes feel a little… sidelined. It was a lot of work bringing the casino up to her standards, not to mention still running her bar on Sanctuary III. It just left him a little lonely at times like this, when sleep eluded him despite exhaustion filling his bones and there was nothing to distract his fraying mind and nerves.</p>
<p>He glanced nervously at the door when it suddenly opened.</p>
<p>"Tim? Are you awake?" Came a soft voice.</p>
<p>"Oh. Jay," he said.</p>
<p>Jay nodded apologetically before stepping in, closing the door behind them. "Just wanted to check on you," they whispered.</p>
<p>"Thought Zane was still keeping you busy," Tim said, not with any vitriol, just… tiredly.</p>
<p>Jay's mouth twitched but they shook it off as they shook their head. "Off doing… stuff. Didn't want me underfoot, and it feels weird hanging around in his room when he's away."</p>
<p>Tim nodded in soft understanding, but not really focusing.</p>
<p>"How are you holding up?" Asked Jay.</p>
<p>Tim sighed, deflating somewhat. "Been worse," he mumbled.</p>
<p>"Not a high bar, Tim," Jay softly mumbled, taking a seat next to him on the bed. "Pain?" They asked.</p>
<p>"No worse than usual," he mumbled.</p>
<p>"Want me to get something for it from Tannis?"</p>
<p>Tim shook his head. "Still have some."</p>
<p>"Why haven't you taken it?" Jay gently asked.</p>
<p>"Don't want to get attached…" Tim sheepishly mumbled.</p>
<p>Jay softened a little at that, gently taking his arm and looking at it. "Don't know it'd be possible for someone so hesitant to take it, but whatever you like," they murmured.</p>
<p>"Moxxi rewrapped it with fresh ones before she left," said Tim.</p>
<p>The ends of Jay's mouth curled up for a split-second at that, glancing up at him before gently letting his arm go. "That's good to hear," they said. Silence fell for a few minutes as they looked at him, studying him in the dark. "So how are you?"</p>
<p>Tim sighed. "You already asked me that."</p>
<p>"You didn't answer me," Jay replied.</p>
<p>Tim sighed again and stared out the window, to the sliver of starry space, as well as mostly the side of the engine. "Lost…" he mumbled softly.</p>
<p>Jay was quiet, scooting a little closer to him as they waited for him to continue.</p>
<p>Tim brought up his arm, staring at where it suddenly just <em>stopped</em>. "I was trapped by Jack for <em>years</em>, by debt, by contract, and then physically in that fuckin casino. It hurt like a bitch when I cut my hand off but I was suddenly… free…"</p>
<p>Jay winced when he mentioned the incident, but leaned gently against him as they listened.</p>
<p>Tim sighed, covering his face with his hand. "It's a fucking <em>joke</em> is what it is. I'm finally free of that asshole and I don't know how to be my own person. I lived life day-by-day for almost a decade as that shit-jabber and now I'm terrified that that's gone," Tim rambled. "I've had my future ripped out from beneath me like some demented comedy bit <em>so many goddamned times</em>, and I don't think I have it in me to keep forging any new paths. It's a fucking <em>joke!</em> I finally cut my last goddamned ties to that douchebag and I'm like a puppet with its strings cut! Useless and broken! Like <em><strong>always!</strong></em>" Said Tim, starting to hyperventilate.</p>
<p>His fingers scrabbled at the clasps on the mask, clumsily clicking it free as he panted. Frantically he peeled it off, the broken piece cracking just a little bit further in its age before he tossed it to the floor. Tim hissed and covered his face with a pained wince when the air hit his sensitive skin, the brand Jack gave him years ago, stinging fiercely.</p>
<p>Jay frowned and crawled into his lap, pulling him closer so his face was buried in their chest. "Shhh… shhhh……." They whispered, their fingers absently raking through his messy hair.</p>
<p>Tim's shoulders heaved as he muffled his sobs against them, his eyes stinging in frustration.</p>
<p>"Shhhhhhh, you're not broken Tim. Not at all."</p>
<p>Tim let out a hollow laugh, pulling away as he gave them a weak glare. "L- look at me, and say I'm n- not broken," stuttered Tim, unable to stop but a couple of the sobs that escaped, much less every single sob that tried to escape.</p>
<p>Jay frowned gently at him, and looked at him long and hard. "I'm from Pandora, Tim. I've met a few people with a lotta dings, but I've never met someone who was broken."</p>
<p>He let out a derisive laugh and flicked on the bedside lighting. "<em>Look harder</em>," he muttered.</p>
<p>Jay sighed, and gave him a longer, more intense once-over. They looked at his face, where the vault-shaped scar angrily split his skin, the edges still a little puffy and irritated from dirt that lay trapped beneath the mask for who knows how long. They saw his blind eye, cloudy and unseeing, also thanks to Jack's branding. They saw the brackets welded to his jawline to hold the clamps to keep in place the mask Jack had insisted on out of vanity. Jay's eyes traveled lower, they saw the thin crescent scars underneath each pec, no longer masked by foundation, also per Jack's need for a perfect match to his own body. Their gaze finally stopped at his arm, where gauze and bandages covered where his wrist once connected and now ended in a bloody stump. They looked into his eyes. "Beaten… Yes…" they mumbled, absently cupping his cheek, careful not to touch his brand. "But not broken, not at all."</p>
<p>Tim sniffled, frantically wiping with his hand as tears started to spill again, turning away from Jay until they cupped his jaw again.</p>
<p>Wordlessly they carefully wiped his face, the corners of their own eyes growing damp as well.</p>
<p>"I kept it together the <em>entire time</em>, why- <em><strong>why now?</strong></em>" Tim sniffled.</p>
<p>Jay gave him a teary smile. "Jack's favorite plaything, getting wound up <em>every day</em> to meet expectations. S'not unheard of for things to feel like it's all going to pieces the moment you get space to breathe," Jay murmured, teasing softly.</p>
<p>Tim let out a slow and shaky sigh, nodding absently as he continued to avoid their eye. "I'm a fucking joke…" he mumbled to himself.</p>
<p>"Must not be getting the punchline, because I'm not laughing," Jay whispered, leaning down to hug him.</p>
<p>"Great. I'm not even a <em>good one</em>," muttered Tim. Another shaky sigh slipped out of him as he leaned into their arms, his face buried into their shoulder.</p>
<p>"S'alright. You got other redeeming qualities," Jay gently teased, their hands carefully massaging over his shoulders.</p>
<p>Tim mumbled uncertainly, but didn't argue with them. </p>
<p>"Let's see… you hate Jack… You like kittens… You sometimes hit the things you're shooting at… You, um… are a writer-slash-actor…" said Jay.</p>
<p>Tim snorted quietly at their list, but mumbled his thanks as he let himself enjoy the embrace for just a little bit longer before pulling away. "I should probably… try to get to bed again…" he mumbled a few minutes later, far more sheepishly. </p>
<p>"Is this you telling me to get the hell out of your bed?" Jay gently teased.</p>
<p>Tim snorted. "Think even Zane's bed is better pickings than this one, <em>and </em>there's a view, " he said.</p>
<p>"Okay, so... I <em>might </em>have also locked myself out of Zane's room…" mumbled Jay.</p>
<p>"Okay now <em>that </em>I believe." </p>
<p>"Are you saying you don't trust <em>everything </em>I say?" Jay mumbled playfully.</p>
<p>"...Only the more unbelievable lies. Like punching either of the former Calypso twins in a bar fight years ago," murmured Tim, scooting back on the bed until he touched the wall.</p>
<p>"Spoilsport," said Jay, laughing sheepishly before carefully molding themself against him as the two of them settled down.</p>
<p>"...Thanks again," mumbled Tim after some time.</p>
<p>"You're the one letting me share your bed," Jay coyly teased. "Anytime," they added with a yawn.</p>
<p>"Mmm," he mumbled, drifting off to sleep.</p>
<p>"Try not to scream and punch me in your sleep this time," Jay mumbled.</p>
<p>"No promises," Tim whispered as he finally fell back asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"I think I will post one of the few blands fics I have that isn't indulgent kink shit for gary!"<br/>fic: /is EXTREMELY self-indulgent and can't decide if its shippy or not<br/>"fuck"</p></blockquote></div></div>
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